Lots of one's

One-one, one-one...there you have it a true new beginning.  I'm usually not a person to make resolutions at the New Year as I feel they are a way to set yourself up for failure, but I do take a look at my life and think about what the past year has held and what I would like to accomplish in the new one. This year I really am taking stock of where I am in life. I started college a year and a half ago, set some hard goals for myself and jumped in. With a great amount of fear and stress I may add, very unfamiliar territory indeed. But, I knew it was necessary to adjust in the world.  You see, I've chosen for many years to be a full-time mother, working part time in-between and running a small vintage reproduction clothing business I created, but most of the time dedicating myself solely to my family. I've never regretted that decision, time flies so quickly, really really it does.  When I held my firstborn in my arms 22 years ago I was fresh out of the Navy choosing my child over a career. I never realized how fast he would grow and that he would end up in the military himself as a grown man.  I've three other children besides him and every day know what true blessings I hold in my life.

Now, it's a scary thing to look at your life one day and know that you had better adjust and make some decisions or you won't be prepared for what the future holds because those kids aren't so little anymore. And how do you decide all these things. The degree I'm working for will lead me in a couple of directions and I am sure life circumstance will help me make the right decisions when the time comes.

In the meantime I'm starting classes again in 10 days and plodding away at a fairly rapid pace and holding a 4.0 GPA as best I can. Deans list will do much for your self-esteem. I go back and forth between thinking I should work for that perfect, secure-style marketable type of job to thinking I just want to start a food establishment with all the insecurity that brings.  Therein lies my maternal instinct kicking in wanting to take care of people and make them feel good. I'm the kind of person that will hug you in a heartbeat and I do find it amusing how people respond to hugs, some welcome them with their whole souls open, some give peck on the cheek hugs and some people are fairly mortified, but I'll hug you nonetheless.  The more closed a person is to a hug, the more I know they needed it. I think you really can change someones day with a simple heartfelt hug.

A prime example of this, the school my youngest attends has a crossing guard that works the main intersection down the road. I wave to him everyday while he guides traffic with his big red stop sign so the buses and other vehicles can be safely on their way. I was inside the school not too long ago and saw him there. I said, "Hey are you the crossing guard that works the intersection down the street", he said, "yes" and I gave him a big hug and said "I'm the one in the van that waves to you everyday, you're doing a great job, thank you". He lit up and said "Thank you, you made me feel really good today" and with dual smiles we were both on our way. Just a simple act of kindness can do so much for someone.

 So, this is what I've decided for the New Year... to be as happy as I can, count my blessings everyday, hold my family and friends close and dear to my heart, belly dance more and sew more, try to cry only when really necessary, take deep breaths when peace is replaced with anxiety and keep knocking out that college degree.... Oh and of course lose weight. Happy happy New Year and if I was there with you while you were reading this, I would give you a big hug.